I super didn’t want to go to therapy yesterday. I didn’t follow through with some things my counselor and I had discussed at my previous session, and the night before was just awful, leaving me feeling absolutely guilt-ridden. I was having a little bit of the “what is the point of going if I don’t get better?” rolling around in my brain. Also, I was not in the mood to ugly cry, and I knew that was going to happen.
But I went, because I figure any time I don’t want to go, that’s when it’s most important to make it a priority. So I got myself cleaned up, made lunch plans with Rich, and drove to my counselor’s office. And despite my reluctance to go, I learned a few things in yesterday’s session.
- I don’t have to be perfect. Doy. But sometimes it’s important to hear someone else say that. Learning new habits takes time, and I’m not a failure just because I have failed.
- Saying out loud, “I feel guilty about this thing” is my first step to feeling less guilty about that thing. When I acknowledge my own feelings, it puts me in charge of them instead of them running the show. It doesn’t mean that I stop feeling guilty, but when I admit it and start to work through the why, it loses some of its power.
- Asking for help is more strength than weakness. I don’t like asking for help. I’m a grown-ass woman and I should be able to do things for myself. But the truth is, I DON’T always do things for myself. Asking other people to help me actually allows me to do those things that I want to do. I’m learning that when people say, “How can I help?” it’s okay to tell them how they can help. I’m not responsible for their ability to follow through, but asking is not a sign of weakness.
These aren’t earth-shattering revelations. But I’m realizing that it doesn’t have to be deep to be true, and the more truth that I absorb, the healthier I become. Not all at once, but bit by bit. And a healthier me is a good enough reason to go.