For years I scoffed when people would talk about how much work marriage was. Marriage wasn’t hard work. People who considered their marriages hard work clearly were dealing with something defective.

And I was right. My marriage wasn’t hard work.

It’s not hard work to tolerate your spouse’s dreams.

It’s not hard work to sit on opposite sides of the living room, retreating from a hard day.

It’s not hard work to half-listen to your spouse while you wait for your turn to talk.

It’s not hard work to let common interests fall by the wayside.

It’s not hard work to allow television and social media fill up the empty spaces.

It’s not hard work to ignore the cracks that show up.

It’s not hard work to be a co-worker.

This time, I’m seeing what people meant about the hard work of marriage.

It’s hard work to look for creative ways to support your spouse’s goals and dreams.

It’s hard work to sit and engage with your spouse when you’re tired after a long day.

It’s hard work to listen, not just to what your spouse is saying, but to what they’re not saying as well.

It’s hard work to immerse yourself in your spouse’s interests and figure out how they mesh with your own interests.

It’s hard work to turn off the television and close the laptop and sit quietly on the porch, hand in hand.

It’s hard work to acknowledge places where there is misunderstanding or hurt.

It’s hard work to be a partner.

It’s hard work. And it’s beautiful.